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Forsooth, the People's Champ vs. Jules?
As always, our good friend the People's Champ had a hard time just sitting back and watching the WSL 2010 season playout. And like last year, PC has challenged the beloved Julie Sussman to a prognosticatory team-on-team duel. And Julie, being the know-it-all that she is, has accepted the challenge and run into it head first. The predictions in this article were written over a week ago, so read on to see which of the two soothsayers would float in a wooden tub and which would sink like a rock.
For the sake of consitency, the predictions are listed in the original draft order for the WSL 2010 season. Enjoy!
| PEOPL'S CHAMP | JULIE SUSSMAN Welcome, welcome everyone to Dr. Sussman's psychoanalysis hour. Pull up a couch, tell me your team's problems, and I'll assess your mental disorders*. That's right, I've been asked to evaluate the 10 wudi coed teams, and what better way than to whip out the latest DSM and start blindly diagnosing like a college kid majoring in "pre-med." It should be noted I cannot prescribe medications, so don't ask. |
| GOLD The Good: You heard it here first, Billy Olli is the new Bill Baer......at least until the other captains devise a strategy to prevent him from drafting his club team roster. With a strong core of ex-Bashing players who show up every week, it will be hard to put money against this team making a finals appearance (with special consideration to this year's scheduling of ECC). The Bad: Their short game - push them underneath. Better yet, throw a 3-3-1 on them with your best defender playing short deep. No hucks = no scores for this team. X-Factor: Will their lack of female depth be exploited by other teams? Scoring String: Ryan to Mari to Stephen to Shockey |
GOLD: Narcissism When your color is gold, it's hard not to play flashy. Having Ryan West making wardrobe change time out calls probably doesn't help either. You can hear the trash talk 3 fields over, and you can watch this team show off before (goaltimate), during, and after (sprints?!) every game. A fun loving team with big smiles and bigger bling, they're prone to looser game play than most. If Billy can introduce a little humility to his teammates, they have a bright future ahead. |
| KELLY The Good: Despite what you tie-dye wearing peaceniks want to believe, angry ultimate wins games (see 1980s NYNY). This team has a lot of solid club vets that can weave their way to the endzone, leaving your team to argue who was covering the player that scored as you sulk back to the line. Expect a lot of flashy breaks and no look surgical strikes. And The Future. The Bad: Attendance. Mr. Conner may not show up to a single game. Expect Segool and Sardo to put in an occasional guest appearance. X-Factor: Can Nate & Co. hold down the fort on nights when the roster's light? Will Sean Laing play defense? Scoring String: Sean to Nate to Drew |
KELLY: Oppositional Defiant disorder Any team captained by Drew is going to be a little feisty. While it's almost impossible to get chippy when Sean Laing is around, this team could go renegade if you push them. If they can direct that attitude outward and not at themselves, the cohesion could push all the players into a tough to guard competitive mode. Not only that, but Delaney could go thug with a disc at any moment, so marks beware (too soon?) The punk in this team could be pretty dangerous if they get into the zone, so it's probably in your best bet to play nice. |
| CHOCOLATE The Good: Andy Bosco, stud extraordinaire. Who doesn't want to be mistaken for a Hershey bar on a hot summer evening (edited for content)? Lots of groping and honey passes to be had on this squad. They can burn you deep and underneath with ease. The Bad: While they have solid cutters, they are missing solid handlers to match. Throw a zone at them and they will generate turnovers. X-Factor: Attendance. The commute for key members of this squad is less than appealing. Scoring String: John to Kelley to Andy to Kendra to Rafe to Mary |
CHOCOLATE: Dementia Andy was looking for experience and he got it. His team could write an instructional book on how to play the game... If only they could focus. Midpoint his offense might forget whether it's playing zone or man. When you've been playing for as long as most of this team has, games begin to blur together and you can lose the drive to compete. Or possibly the team is suffering from paranoia over Andy's friendly fingers. Whatever it is, both genders on this squad know how to play, how to play well, and any one of them can wreck house at any moment. If Andy can slip a little ginkoba into their gatorades I would get scared of this team, and fast. |
| FOREST The Good: Their women. The other captains must have been asleep to let it go down like this. Cry attendance percentage all you want while they go 3/4 and show you how to play mixed ultimate without men. The Bad: Their men are injury prone and vertically challenged. The Faust zone can only do so much against the huck. Expect this team to have trouble fielding a healthy line of men. Force them under all day - despite the presence of several huckers, there are no receivers to match. X-Factor: Will the men be able to stay out of the way on the sideline while the women go to work on the field? Scoring String: Diane to Kerry to Erin to Kim |
FOREST: Body Dismorphic Disorder This team doesn't actually have this. They project it. You swear you have a good matchup when you're lining up, and then all of a sudden you're toast. You start feeling shorter than you are, slower than you are, heavier than you are. They are like the anti Tony Robbins. Really this team is a bunch of psychopaths. They appear so nice, they wave and joke around before the game, and then they just start pummeling you out of nowhere. Full strength this team is scary. |
| BURGUNDY The Good: Who's favourite player isn't Jeff Ho? This squad has enough precision throwers to take down any team on any given night. Cutters merely have to hold out their hands, and the disc will magically appear in them. The Bad: Big Ricky, what's that smell? X-Factor: What happens if Rick and Jeff cancel each other out? Ron Burgundy, 2010 WSL champion? Scoring String: Adam to Rick to Jeff to Julie to Jayme |
BURGUNDY: Classified I'm not going to label my own team because I might be suffering from denial. Or maybe because our psychological disorder manifests itself in such a physical way. Let's just stay we usually start off strong, really get going, but have real trouble making it to the finish. One might say we prematurely end our runs. A losing record, but a solid point differential should be a clue to this team's potential. However, if we don't find a way to close games we might be ejected early from the finals. |
| BLUE The Good: As always, Bill Baer drafted a killer team. Handlers, cutters, defenders galore. All picked for a singular reason - to win a championship. Play under the Baer system and expect nothing less than championship hardware. The Bad: 2009 may have been the Baer's swan song. When is your #1 pick not your #1 pick? Never in a million years would I have thought that would have gotten by Mr. Baer. When a cog in the machine is missing, the entire machine fails. Krieger-gate will live on in quiet infamy.....Glauser-gate without the panache. X-Factor: Maybe, gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. We have the capability to swap defense for offense. Blue will be that team, better than it was before. But will it be able to execute the mighty Baer's 2010 strategy? Scoring String: Marty to Chris to Orion to Palak |
BLUE: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder You know any roster picked by Bill Baer is going to be meticulous, but this team sticks to a huck and hammer game play whether it's working or not. Pass, Pass Huck/Hammer, repeat. And repeat. And repeat. This crew is anxious to live up to Bill's brilliant plan, and they have the ability to win even when you know what's coming. If they could mix it up a little more though, their opponents would be the ones taking baby steps just trying to compete. |
| BLACK The Good: Things may have come together this year for Zags.....old men and young women didn't work the last few go-rounds, this year's tweak in drafting strategy might get this team some hardware for the trophy case. The Bad: This squad is all about personality balance/management. One bad turn and this team could be in the gutter for the season. X-Factor: Will the women be able to hold it together if/when the men fall apart? Scoring String: Adam to Fi to Natalya to Ron to Nick |
BLACK: Multiple Personality Disorder Are you kidding? This one was easy. There are more characters on this team than a Disney lineup. Do you know who's on this team? Of course you do, and it's not solely for their skill. Apparently when you trap all these personalities on one team you get a successful outcome. I guess when you have all 27 voices talking it's not so bad if they're all cheering. As long as they stay happy and the voices stay unified this is a very potent group. |
| WHITE The Good: Team Sweethearts + Personality Fiends will lull you into complacency and then blow by you on universe point with their unexpected fire. The Bad: Personality Fiends might get to you before the Sweethearts do, producing the opposite effect. Throw a zone on them and visualize yourself catching a Callahan. X-Factor: Zac and Bob's attendance. Also Todd "have suitcase, will travel" Springer (see rules section XVI, subsection J). Scoring String: Emily to Bob to Zac to Todd to TT, called back twice on travels |
WHITE: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder I'm not sure whether it was losing their first game, or just having to play the PAC fields that first night (I'm going with PAC and not the loss), but white has yet to get over the stress, whatever "it" may be. It's not that they don't have the talent to give all the top teams a run, they just need to take a moment and collect themselves. My guess is by now they've gone through most of the stages of loss and just need to accept that they are a good team and they should start to win again. Either that or they're suffering from Münchausen syndrome, and are trying to lure us all into a sad stupor before attacking at finals. Crafty white, very crafty. |
| RED The Good: Can't go wrong putting money on Red. Seth drafted a squad of solid journeymen (and women) who will beat you playing good old solid ultimate, the way you learned it freshman year from your captain with the wicked IO flick. The Bad: Solid ultimate might win games, but it doesn't win summer league championships (unless you're Bill Baer, but this is 2010, so even that is up for debate). X-Factor: Will this team stay healthy and have the consistent attendance to go the distance? Scoring String: Steph to Naomi to Seth to Christine to Alex to Kevin |
RED: Mania/Dependent Personality Disorder This team's jerseys should be made of fluffy bunny tails and fairy dust. Even when this team beats you you can't be mad at them. They're so happy together it's unhealthy. You can just hear them whisper in the stack, "No, you cut. No, after you. No, you make the first move..." Or maybe it's Seth calling a 7 person string and feeling bad not including the sidelines. Too teamy, if some players don't step up and separate themselves from the horde they'll all be stuck concerned about whether they're blocking each other's view of the finals. Even then they'll probably be chipper. Gross. |
| ORANGE The Good: This team has speed, and throwers who love to put it in the endzone. They can huck right off of the pull, or they can weave and huck when you foolishly start playing them underneath. The Bad: No depth on the female side. Most teams should be able to exploit female matchups. X-Factor: There are certain "elements" on this team that may or may not have a "synergistic" effect, which could work to their benefit or serious detriment. Big Mike, best of luck. |
ORANGE: Delusional Schizophrenia This team refuses to see the reality of the game. They keep putting up these huge backhands. Or trying these tricky inside out breaks. Or chasing down every disc like they can catch it. And just because it's working for them doesn't mean it should. Really this team should be turning over the disc all the time, but their can do attitude is giving them super player strength. Positivity can be so obnoxious to play against. If another team is unable to show them what's behind the curtain early on playoff weekend, this team could ride their enthusiasm far. |
| My bill is in the mail. :) much love, Julie *I want to make sure everyone knows everything posted here is purely for comic relief. Please do not take anything personally or to heart. I also realize mental disorders are serious and prevalent in our society and beyond the scope of this article I treat this issue somberly. |
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Who is "Chris" on Blue? Even his family calls him "Geb," which is kind of weird, because they are all "Gebs."
Is anyone aware how tiny Drew Jones is?
Proper String: Sean to Tracy to Shannon or Delaney (I'll prop myself)
- Ku"not feelin the krieger-gate"ger
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